Oh, the joys of being single. A period of time some detest if it’s been too long, others just fear and some relish in. I chose the latter. ‘Being single’ is always an interesting topic of conversation especially because of the many forms singleness takes on. More recently, conversations about relationships and singleness have made a seemingly sudden appearance in my life. I don’t know why or how but only now am I starting to appreciate it. Now while everyone around me seems to be finding love and getting married, I’m doing a lot of ‘selfish-ing,’ and for good reasons.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am human so of course there are moments when you connect with others, feel like I want a relationship and wonder if there is something wrong with me (FYI – there is nothing wrong with any of this and there is nothing wrong with me). Although these thoughts cross my mind, I still find myself answering of “why are you single?” or “are you dating?” questions with “I am just not ready.” And of course, everyone has their own opinion on why people aren’t ready for certain things or whether you’re ever really ready for anything in life but I know one thing is for certain: I am just not ready. Obviously if an opportunity present itself and all things align I will follow through. Until then, I am going to relish in my singleness and enjoy all it has to offers.
There is more to appreciate in being single than to fear.
Instead of trying to find someone who is going to accompany me through life, I decided to find ways of getting to know myself. I soon realized I had no real direction or understanding of myself resulted in dead-end relationships. In the midst of all of that I forget how to observe and experience the world on my own. I never really gave myself an opportunity to enjoy being single and really grasped what the process meant for me! The truth is that we are never alone, and while at times it may feel like that, being single reminds you that there are so many ways people fill up our lives. You are able to experience the best that people have to offer, and sometimes the worst, which ultimately has shaped the way I give and the way I receive to and from people in my life. My fear of being single was laden with other fears, truths and realities. Instead of fearing being single, I started to fear not becoming the person I want to be on my own. I decided then that was more important for me to figure some things out before inviting someone else into my life. I pretty much started a committed relationship to do this as a way to improve my current relationships and prepare for ones to come.
I am really getting to know myself
This is really a thing. We spend all of our lives figuring it out but if we don’t have a basis of who we are, we scramble around trying to piece it together. Now, self-discovery/self-understanding is a recurring thing and def. doesn’t happen overnight. However, when you have moments or periods of time to just yourself, you rediscover missing or dysfunctional components of your life and your character. You also have a wonderful opportunity to see the light you have dimmed within trying to be everything everyone else but yourself. I have more deeply identified what I will accept, what I will not accept, what I like, my hobbies, my interests, my fears, my own goals, what I expect and want of and for myself, what I expect of someone, what I want to be for someone else etc. I am able to see myself in relation to others with no strings attached. I am able to understand my own biases and ignorance. I see my own inflexibility in certain situations. The benefit and need for compromise, understanding and expression. You become wise and in-tune with yourself.
This is my time. I do not have to account for anyone but myself.
I don’t have to account to/for anyone but myself. This is my time to be selfish with your time, your feelings, your emotions, YOUR everything. Yes, you still have to be accountable for your actions and attitude. Yes, you must be mindful of others. And Yes, being selfish doesn’t mean being a self-righteous a**hole. All I am saying is that right here and right now, your time is yours to enjoy. This is the time to figure out some of the things others cannot help you with.
Self-love is powerful tool.
You feel it, you breathe it, you live it. Self-love before anything else can help you move mountains in your life. I truly believe this is the foreground for growth and change. You stop feeling sorry or bad for/about yourself and start falling in love with who and everything that you are and most of all who you have the potential to become. The beauty of self-love is that it doesn’t stop whether you’re single or in a relationship. It is a lifelong journey that helps to enrich how you feel about yourself and in turn what you put out into the world. It is applicable in all stages of your life as it continuously asks us to identify what it is that we want or need to improve and how it is that we are to get there.
I will continue to relish this moment. Consider whatever situation, you are in right now as fitting and figure out what it means to and for you.