Let’s Be Honest: Why Sugarcoating is BS

Let’s be honest: we all have issues telling some people like it is, especially when it comes to expressing our feelings to those who are close to us. It’s like being honest is worse than sugar-coating things or telling a lie. Now while it may serve its purpose short-term, eventually your sh*t will blow-up and you’ll have to deal with a clean-up in aisle 2.  Sure, the truth hurts but it also sets you free.

I don’t know why some messages are harder to communicate than others. I don’t know why some people are easier to talk to than others. Now I’m not talking about telling a stranger that they have spinach between their teeth or a booger in their nose (although maybe we should start here when it comes to our own honesty phobia). I’m talking about being honest about things when it involves another person’s feelings and/or the basis for which you form some sort of relationship (platonic or not).

I think what triggered this conversation was a bit of personal experience and observation. Mostly observation because it’s easier to look outside of oneself than to stand as both judge and player of your own game. I am not exempt from this topic of conversation. In fact, I am not exempt from most if not all conversations on my blog. I’d be lying to myself if I said that I’m as honest as I should be with myself and everyone in my life. I get that sometimes we want to preserve our relationships by avoiding certain conversations. I get that we fear how people will respond. And I get the whole wanting to save someone hurt and pain. But let me tell you that there has never been a moment in my life where a truth hurt more than a lie. Spear me the uncertainty, doubt, fear, sadness and BS and give it to me straight.  Let me be the one to decide how I’m going to respond, feel, act etc.

The worst thing we can do to ourselves and others is not give honesty a chance. Then it is to decide how someone else conducts themselves in relation to you because it’s easier to string them along than to tell it like it is. Is it that we ourselves are afraid of the truth? That we like control and are afraid of being vulnerable? That it’s comforting knowing that telling the truth means having someone in your corner when all else fails? That you like having this person and enjoy their company but that’s it? There are plenty of questions you can ask yourself as to why you fall short of being honest when it comes to certain people in your life.

To be fair, we all have to answer this question. At the end of the day however, YOU must also face the truth – your truth. The truth that maybe you only like this person as a friend, maybe you are not where you want to be therefore not ready for any type of relationship, you are unhappy with something your significant other is doing/not doing, you cheated, you are interested in someone else, you aren’t happy with your job, home life, etc, you aren’t who you said you are or would be. There are many instances that call us to be honest. It is what you choose to do in those moments that truly speaks to who you are, and frankly if you’re worth having/keeping around. We all go through moment of doubt and often leave it to the workings of our brains to answer every possible question we can come up with yet never confront the source.

It’s funny how easy things would be if we could start with more honesty. There would be less of a need for snooping, for questioning and frankly for mistrusting people. I recently met someone and asked a series of questions (I’m good at that) and still wondered if this person had been lying. Now this is not the fault of the person at all. However, there is consistency in your past playing itself out coupled with generational/social interactions of the time, and more often than not, you find yourself questioning what people tell you. It’s hard to imagine we’re in a time where things cannot be taken at face value and we always want to know more, find out more and search for more. It doesn’t matter to what degree this plays out in your life. The point here is that more honesty can be given in various ways. I just think it’s time we ask ourselves some questions (and they may be some very uncomfortable ones) and figure out how we’re going to dish out more honesty so we’re not having the same clean-up in aisle 2, 6 and 12 wondering why sh*t can’t stay clean.  

This rant was brought to you by Sunday afternoon scrolls through Instagram, a night out and a series of unanswered questions and wtf’s?.