I am so excited to start these next 4 weeks with you. As I have mentioned in my two prior posts, I will be sharing the four steps I took to begin my self-healing/back to me journey. Now keep in mind that all journeys differ and by no means does this serve as a definitive guideline to self-healing. You must take in account personality differences, capacities, abilities and many other things that aid and/influence healing. It is a process (a lifelong one at that) that requires you to be aware of self and your needs to get to where you need/want to be. So, let’s begin!
You must be ready! There is no two ways around this. Everyone around you will be ready for the change you need in your life before you yourself are ready. Do not let that phase you. You must be ready to invite this change into your or it will only momentary. You will give into what everyone else wants for you before you truly believe or want it for yourself. This is counterproductive and actually makes you feel worse about the situation if your thoughts and emotions do not align with your actions. You will know when you are ready. Getting there is the hard part.
Identify where you are and where you want to be. For me, it took a break-up, graduation, and a broken sense of self to really set me in motion. I had just come out of a relationship at the time and things in other areas of my life were coming to an end. What I knew was slowly slipping away from me. And as a young adult, between trying to figure everything else out, I felt lost. At the same time however, I knew what was bothering but I wasn’t ready to address it. And despite having an amazing support system around and people telling me exactly what I later figured out on my own, I just wasn’t there yet. Things just weren’t connecting in my life. I knew I wanted better of myself but I couldn’t figure out what I was selling myself short. A few years prior I was in-tune with myself. I was in a really good place and that’s exactly where I wanted to be again. I also vowed at that moment to never let a situation get the best of me that I leave that space. I was to embody every aspect of that space so that in the future everything fit into that space or was limited or removed from my life all together. So, what did I do? I figured out that I had enough of my own self-sabotage, where I wanted to go and started doing what I needed to do to get to a point that I outlined for myself.
I had to get real with myself. This seems to be a recurring theme in my a few of my posts but it is key to your success in many areas in your life. You just have to get real with yourself. Tell yourself what you need to hear and tell yourself what you don’t want to hear. Ask yourself as many questions you need to ask and as many times as you need to ask them. The truth will fire you up and bring you peace.
I hate being in new social situations. A former boss told me the only way to grow is stepping outside of your comfort zone, and he meant it. At work, I found myself in situations or settings I would never willingly attend and even when it was among people I knew I still shied away. Although that was a few years ago best believe I still say these words to myself as words of encouragement. I vowed to make a conscious choice to start going out more and saying yes when I much rather would’ve preferred to say no. I decided to get out there. An awkward social situation can only go one of two ways: really well or just plain bad. In either instance, it ends that’s the good part. The result: confidence, greater self-awareness and an appreciation for the fulfillment, satisfaction and growth that new experiences offer you. Also, it exposes you to people you may have never came into contact with otherwise.
I am one to ask for what I need and this time I needed something more than I had been giving myself so I asked for help. We like to think we know it all and we have most things under wraps but sometimes we need a little help, and to be honest, a little extra help ain’t never hurt nobody. If you are unable to reach your friends or your friend are unable to reach you, seek help via other avenues whether it be professional or medical. One practice I use and will continue to use is Reiki (which I will discuss in Part 2 and I thank my bomb Reiki Master thesamiracle on Instagram). Asking for help does not mean you cannot handle the situation on your own. The element that asking for help introduces is that it the person you are seeking help from is most likely someone who isn’t directly involved in your day-to-day life. These sources often become places of solace, a space away from the chaos you are trying to escape.
When it comes to friends, I think it is super important that you talk to friends who have very different personalities. This not only gives you more insight, it allows for perspective. Use this position to your advantage. Don’t only listen to the advice that closely aligns with how and what you feel, consider something that may diverge with your position. It takes you out playing the victim into the role of judge of your own situation.
Remember that this is your time to OWN IT. Own everything about your situation: your emotions, how you feel, who you let into your space, what you want to do, what you don’t want to do, etc. this a time to take of yourself, and that takes a lot of your attention. Once you start spending time with yourself and giving into your desires you will begin to expect nothing less of others around you.
Here’s a snapshot of some simple (very simple) and handy real-life realizations and tools I use to combat a sh*ty situation and keep the focus on me instead of other things or people:
- Blocking people does not solve your problem
- You need to forgive yourself before you can forgive anyone else
- We all make mistakes
- Regret doesn’t move you forward and they don’t help us grow
- Get busy – time waits for no one
- Start doing what you want to do
- Closure is not a thing
- People come and people go – those who are meant to be around WILL be around
- Nothing in life is easy but everything you want for yourself is worth it
To get started I suggest spending a few days with yourself. Disconnect and get in touch with yourself. Ask yourself the same questions you’d tell someone to ask if they were in the same situation as you. Get out a pen and paper and start writing. Again, ask for help from a professional or someone outside of your circle that you trust. Remember that this is the beginning, the start of far greater things for yourself. Be willing and you will be ready. There is so much more out there that is waiting for YOU!